IIDD, Chill November: Friday, November 30th

Nothing ruins a face so fast as double-dealing. Your face telling one story to the world. Your heart yanking your face to pieces, trying to let the truth be known. Jessamyn West, novelist (1902-1984) 

Phantasmagoria

Dear sirs:

With respect to the referenced paragraph (i.e., Section VI, paragraph iii) in our Sainted Constitution, I feel compelled to call for an Emergency Special General Meeting, this to preceed the Call to Order for our [ir]regular session scheduled for December 3rd, 2012, C.E.  As you know, the calling of such is provided for in in the First Amendment to our Constitution, from which I quote (selectively) here:

i)  And where there are grounds of any sort [emphasis added], be they spurious or profound (or anywhere in between), to suspect that any Member of the NRBC is undertaking to bend or otherwise distort or destroy the intent of this constitution by making autocratic, dictatorial, unilateral or whimsical declarations**, which seek to proscribe the enjoyment of certain fundamental pleasures of and by the membership, any member can call for and shall have convened a Special General Meeting. The purposes of that meeting will be twofold:

1. to overturn and nullify such declarations
2. to slap the offending and offensive Member of the Executive upside the head, either literally, or metaphorically, or both

 ii) If it should be the case that the aforementioned declarations** seek specifically to proscribe pleasures which offer the prospect of psychic ease or satisfaction, (as, for example, would be the effect of imposing teetotalling) [teetoalling !?! I mean WTF?]., then such a meeting will be termed an Emergency [original emphasis] Special General Meeting, and a third purpose will be added to the two outlined above, to whit:

1. to kick the same offending and offensive Member of the Executive  either literally, or metaphorically, or both, in his gluteus maximus.

iii) Such dissuasions from further malfeasance shall proceed regardless of whether the offending declarations were uttered by the Member of his own volition or in response to coercive and/or nefarious actions of The [infamous] Siterhood. If the latter be the case, then the intensity of the blows shall be moderated, this in recognition of the fact that the Member will suffer shame and ignominy each time he looks in the mirror.

  

8^) Slainte Mhor, Mark

The previous missive shall be deemed to extend and apply to December 2nd 2012.
    
8^) cheers, Mark

Herewith biographical information for the other new non reader who will be joining us Sunday -- if the ferries are running: Kurt Rathfelder. Kurt is from away -- an expat Pefferlawnian.

Early years in the '50s spent in Montreal where I expressly enjoyed family picnics on Beaver Lake at the top of Mont Royal. Quickly learned that religion didn't fit into my life after witnessing hordes of people kneeling up the stone stairway (some 283, or so steps) at St. Joseph's Oratory of Mont Royal  to ‘atone’ for their sins.  Pubescent years spent in a one-horse town in Central Ontario inhabited by more than one village idiot. Lived in Rochester, New York, for a year and left in a hurry after being notified that I had to register for the draft. Spent the next two decades, or so, in Toronto. For the past seventeen years, I have lived on a 10-acre parcel of land surrounded by a 1,400-acre regional forest. At some point, I had expected a visit from an 18-year-old version of Little Red Riding Hood,  but no show. Very recently, October of 2012, self-exiled from Ontario and now perched on the side of Sugar Loaf Mountain in Nanaimo watching the marine activities in Departure Bay.

 Without officious reference to the constitution, I will remind the Conductor, in his capacity as the Inquisitor, that he will be limited to 100 short questions to each of the new applicants.

Wassail, W

Please no tee totaling on account of my absent over indulgent self. I think you should read the subtext of Patrick's email ironically.  I am unfamiliar with the rituals of Advent but assume they can accommodate or even appropriate the local rites of John Barleycorn.  We patrons of the Center for Feminist Art at the Brooklyn Museum encourage you to indulge yourselves, and regret we won't be joining in.  Look forward to perusing the minutes at the next meeting. Guy

Dear Capi di tutti,

I have run out of available time to successfully complete a thorough analysis of the book in question. It is my raisin tetra to shine  light on the subtle and layered themes of great literature but alas my batteries  run low and my bulb glows dim. Of course I have been regularly accused of  being a dim bulb but that has not deterred me from weighing in on heavy philosophical discussions. (See previous observations made by yours truly regarding the requirement of voluptuous volumes of hot air to lift the level of discourse from the banal to the sublime.

Speaking of 10 course meals, is there an obvious hole in the current status of lucky pot offerings? I can bring a Waldorf salad (for those of us lusting after the big apple...delicately diced). If there are already too many nuts attending (walnuts...coarsely chopped) then I can bring one of my favorite rib stickers ... sweet potato, chick pea curry on rice. The base is medium mild but it can be doctored in situ to "heat it up". Let me know.

Also, can it be true that this is a dry event? Please illuminate the situation for me as I have not been able to decode the true meaning of our Padrones latest parable. I grasp the pot luck/ loaves and fishes analogy but this water into wine thingy risks leaving me parched even though it is the first Sunday of Advent and I will be partaking in communion at our church in the a.m. Patiently waiting for the light, Stephen

Then we will see you on Sunday for analysis, examination of our book. Cheers, Moe

Dear Loco, (emphasis on "Loco") a Legisperitum, et al:

Given the fact that your pedantically worded, loop-hole riddled and hastily amended legal-speak disputation was incorrectly dated, in the first instance,  I hardly need bother rebutting your desperate attempt to waive punitive damages, inasmuch as I believe that you have not even managed to listen to the book for this coming meeting, let alone read the tome from cover to cover,. A work of such dense and impenetrable writing that only the most devoted of bibliophiles will have had the fortitude and discipline to digest and understand whilst you, my distempered Unlearned Colleague, did suggest to our august and civil society, with much malice of forethought. It is quite obvious that any reasonable lay-person would expect that you, of all people, would have devoured this magnum opus yet methinks thou dost protest too much. Hide behind the letter of The Law, cowardly and base non-Reader that you are and in so doing stand exposed for the craven knave you pretend and posture not to be, yet are clearly seen, by all the world, to be none other than a mealy-mouthed pettifogger, a bounder and a blighter, a dissembler and a rapscallion, a flim-flam man extraordinaire!

As if your miscreancy and chicanery were not, in and of themselves, enough, you have tainted the very souls of the newest and most tender Applicants who seek Elevation to the Olympian heights of the pinnacle of Mount NRBC, causing them, in their simple-mindedness, on the one hand, (Acolyte Stefano), to follow your pleonastic bent so that he can but write maundering, tautological drivel while on the other, your challenge to the good and divinely sanctioned order of the NRBC, hath caused, on the other, (Acolyte Kurtz Field of Wrath), to depart Departure Bay, to leave his loafing, lazy-bones existence on Sugar Plum Hill for the company of the Lotus Eaters he expects to find within the ranks of the NRBC, given the anarchy you preach, the topsy-turvey punishments you would see unleashed. You Sir, (Dare I soil the appelation?), deserve to have your tight Gluteus Maximus flaggelated by none other than the Assembled Sisterhood, scourged until you admit your cozenage and we shall see who suffers shame and ignominy, who rues the day that he dared and presumed to hatch this vile and cunning roguery, deep within the blackness and void of his necromancer's heart.

PS: Word of Warning to Secretary, Pro Tem, WhirlishWassailovitch: Please be so kind as to refer to me as The Excruciator in Excelcis as I cast off my Inquisitor's robes lo these many years ago, or else you may yet feel the lash of the cat o' nine tails, with bilge water poured over your torn skin to resuscitate your disrespectful self for more flailing! 100 short questions! I'll let you taste 100 short strokes of the knout, you impudent scoundrel!

Other than that, I trust everyone is well and busy reading like veddy, veddy good little boys! Wassail to you me Mateys! AAAAAARRRRRR!

PPS: I dream about Emergency Meetings! Be sure to bring your Emergency First Aid Kits!!!

PPPS:  Methinks a good meeting to miss, Titanium Man. At least you will be spared the cruel and unusual punishments. Foist you are unemployed and now you are working around the clock, with a "code in jour knowz!" Oi Vey! Get the chicken soup, already!

PPPPS: Dear Quisling Arnold at the CFA@BM: Didn't take long for you to show your true colours, I must say. The kindest interpretation is that Naughty Nancy hath seduced you with long draughts of the aforementioned John Barleycorn, the cynical one being that you are a double-agent feeding sensitive material to The Sisterhood. You will be tried in absentia! Read the minutes to learn of your sentence, Brutus!

Thanks Pat and Corinne  for the invite. We would love to come.  What can we bring?  Just got back from England last night.  Pauline and Mick 

Hi The pictures are so good, you are quite the photographer.  Thanks for a lovely time, I loved our bike ride.  I mentioned in my other email, that I am going to try to find a bike, but it might be difficult. Are you interested in renting a bike when you visit?  I hope you have fun at your party- wish I could be there! Rhoda 


Hi Ski!

I take it you finally made it out of YVR and safely back home! It was a delightful visit and so wonderful to see Dinao and Al as well. I am also very pleased that we were able to ride together. Further, longer next visit! Glad you enjoyed snapolas although I'm really don't have all that good an eye. I just think it is important to record people and events, at least, as a first step. Art can come later!

Sorry for taking so long to reply but it has been non-stop ever since you left! Just to reiterate, I think our dates for St Maarten will still be January 28th-February 7th, +/- by a day or so, each end. We hope to iron out details of where we will be flying from , (Dallas vs Miami), as if the latter we need to reconfigure earlier stages of trip. Hope to do this next week and will let you know before we book to make sure dates work for you. I am interested in renting a bike but it really isn't a big deal. I'm happy to swim with the barracudas and Cora Lee is most keen to have me do so! Let me know what you find out. It might be worthwhile to rent for a month or so and other visitors could share the cost. Just an idea.

Due to heavy rain of late I have been swimming over last few days. On Thursday I did 3.5 miles and yesterday I managed 3.75 miles. I think I have reached a new plateau as far as my bilateral breathing is concerned. While I have utilized this method for quite a few years I have never really breathed as smoothly and consistently as I would have liked. Whether my biking has given me a larger lung capacity or not, I am now breathing bilaterally and holding my breath between each intake. This allows me more buoyancy and my kick is more effective to keep me planing. I hope, if I can maintain this that I will be able to reduce my time, over time, of course. My goal is to do 5 miles before we head south. Hope to add .25 miles on each subsequent swim. Slow but steady. Wish me luck! I'll need it.

On another matter, riding mate, Ray Banks, passed along the following:

Pat,

    The recent mauling by a grizzlie in Kimberley was done to Peter Moody and his wife, unfortunately. I think you knew him from your days at the Ed. Library.

Did you know either Peter Moody or Gary Pennington, Ski. At any rate, I later learned, from Ray, [Pat, We received the message about Peter from Sylvia's friends in Vancouver, Washington. Her brothers also know him very well. Tough old boy, Peter, I'm sure. Speak with you later in the week. Ray], that Peter tried to fight off the grizzly with his Nordic Ski Poles, ones used for walking, I gather! When I told Chloë about the terrifying encounter and that it was reported that the victims were "distraught" she said, "Distraught! I guess they'd be distraught!!!" Sounded so funny in the telling/re-telling but can hardly imagine the terror of the reality! Better to be a sloth at YVR than a mouthful of a grizzly's meal!

We are in petty good shape for tomorrow's bash. Cora Lee will bake two hams in the morning but other than that most everything else is already prepared; chicken wings, salmon, (CL), meatballs and baked beans , (Clarisse), both in large electric crock pots. Did most of our shopping for dips, crackers, cheese, nuts, shortbread and tarts at Costco on Friday morning, hootch at Marquis Wines on Thursday. Rolled up the rug in the living room tonight and arranged chairs, etc., so not even much to do on that score. Hope to either swim at Aquatic Centre or ride stationary bike at False Creek CC, just across the way, in the morning while Coriandre prays for my black soul at church!

Hello the The Great Ronaldo and fondestos to you both from Cora Lee. Cheers, Patrizzio!


RE: the n-n-n-naming disorder-der-der-der--wassail

Hello Wassail BenennungStörungMensch!

I fully believe that a hearty ration of tarry, biscuity, lime-infused grog will cure, or at least alleviate, the werewolf-like symptoms that you are experiencing, at present. I suggest that at the NRBC pre-Yuletide gathering, we test the efficacy of the antidote and seek the endorsement of The Impatience of Sisters present. We can, after appropriate lubrication of our tongue-tied speech delivery systems, try wassails, (the howls of lasterday), of various pitch and duration, to seek both the legitimization of such salutations, the stamp of approval, so to speak, the steel boot on the back of the oppressed Brotherhood, from our harshest critics. What think you? Cheers, (oops, I really meant to say), Wassail on Whirlygig! 

PS: It occurs to me, upon seeing "Wassail" followed by your abbreviated signature, "W", that this affection is nothing but an overly self=indulgent, Hungerford-like, egomaniacal signing disorder to be added to your already overflowing basket of morbid disorders. Sieg Heil Wassail! 

cccccures and stalwarts and hard core logo

P,

I ddddd do look ssssssso forward ttttto to ttttryin the cccure, of cccccourse, under the FFFFFFFing auspices of the ssssssaid sssssisterhood..

I thank you for the compliment re: Hungerfordism – a stalwart character if I have ever known one.  

I think the Wassail image that you have unearthed might have to become the NRBC logo. W,W